LIFE + STYLE BLOG

Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Words to Say (And Not)

Blogging is a great way to share about the wonderfulness that is life. But the blogosphere can also be filled with deep personal issues, sadness, and grief. 

Lately I've read several posts of bloggers that have experienced a miscarriage. Each time I read one of these I'm saddened, but also amazed at the strength these women have to share such a personal experience. I'm also amazed at the comments people leave on these posts. All well intentioned I'm sure, but some make me cringe.

I used to be that person, no matter what the loss, grief, or hardship was. "Everything happens for a reason," "look at all the great things you have," "it'll all work out how it's supposed to."

Did you know the saying, "Everything happens for a reason" isn't in the bible. Shocking, I know. As humans it's in our nature to rationalize everything. Everything must have a reason because if it doesn't, that is scary. We will usually find a reason, divine or not. But instead of looking for "a reason," maybe we should be looking for His goodness. Looking for the joy that can come out of something horrible. 

Let's look less for the Why and more for the How. How we can glorify Him even through the bad times.
I read this quote on Lindsay's blog and it just resinated with me. 

Since I'm not saying all the cliche things people usually say when something horrible happens, what do I tell people? 

I thought about what would I want (what do I want) when I'm going through something tough. And without a doubt, Peace came to my mind over and over again. Not to just get over it, or to forget it, or to move on, but true, calming PEACE. Peace with what has happened and with what may or may not happen in the future. PEACE that can only come from Him. Peace that comes with letting go of trying to find a reason and realizing that He has, "plans to proposer you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And that is in the bible:)

So... I tend to tell people I am so sorry. I also tell them that I'm thinking of them and that I pray they are able to find peace and comfort...and then I actually pray that they do. And if it's someone I know really well chocolate and/or wine always seems to help too.

Linking up with Annie
8 comments on "The Words to Say (And Not)"
  1. I'm with you. When everyone speaks the EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON I just see rationalization, not faith. God doesn't kill people or hurt people, the devil on earth does. God gave us free will and sometimes people reap the hardships they sow. Sometimes, really bad things happen to amazing people but it's not FOR A REASON. It happens, it's life and it sucks, badly.

    I tell people I"m praying for them, I'm sorry for whatever struggle they are going through and send them a virtual hug, as silly as that sounds.

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    1. I don't think that sounds silly at all:) I totally agree with you. People forget that God gave us free will and sometimes people make horrible decisions that are a direct result of their actions not God's. Allowing things to happen and causing things to happen are two totally different things, imo:)

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  2. Thanks for linking up with us! Great post. I always just try to say I'm sorry and here if they want to talk. I try not say everything happens for a reason and I like the idea of not trying to figure out the why. Thanks for the great reminder.

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  3. I used to always pray for healing for friends and loved ones. But then you realize that as much as someone needs healing, it isn't always going to happen. So after a love one had terrible news and not much time left, I learned just what you posted - it was more important to pray for peace. That is what we all need, especially in situations we can't control.

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    1. Thank you for sharing! I totally agree, sometimes healing just doesn't happen no matter how had we pray.

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  4. What a great post. I was just thinking about this yesterday as I have a friend about to celebrate her 2nd Christmas without her daughter who was killed in a car accident...it's so heartbreaking but I honestly have a hard time finding any words that would make sense. I think as humans we also want to fix things and offer help but in this situation that is not an option

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    1. I agree! Sometimes all we can do is listen and cry with them.

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